....nobody told me about the week before the wedding.

It's not that I'd have answered differently. But still .....

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

After an amazing semester spent hanging out with lots of international students from NDSU, most of them have returned to their home countries and I miss them! Here are a few tips I have come up with from my experience with working with this population, and with being one myself. By the way .... many international students are just amazing people. You'll love them, and here's some advice so they will love you too ......

Here then .... (n no particular order; not because I am not orderly, but because I am tired*) are Tested-and-Approved Ways to Befriend an International Student.

*That was a lie. I'm not orderly .... I wish I were.

~ Buy, rent, or otherwise get yourself a place of residence close to a college campus. If you can't do that, find someone who lives close to campus, and invade their home. Of course, you must give them something valuable in return, like your very favorite pet lizard. In all seriousness, the key is availability. And many international students do not have cars, so if you live far away, you aren't available.

~Make friends with international students. Make friends with people whose friends are international students. Just make friends, period. Network, network, network!

~Friend these people on facebook. Get their phone numbers or email addresses.

~Invite them to dinner. (Oh, and just because they're from China doesn't necessarily mean they'll want Chinese food. Ask them.)

~Take them shopping. They probably don't need your money, but they likely do need transportation.

~Give them a card, or gift, or something special on their birthday. A birthday in a foreign country can be one of the loneliest things imaginable, but it can also be completely awesome if a few people think of you.

~Ask them to teach you some of their language. At some universities, students from a certain country will teach a free class about their language and culture. Find out if this is available, and think about attending. You might learn valuable things about cross-cultural communication while performing the Tadpole Dance. It's not as bad as it sounds, really!

~Invite them over, pop some popcorn, and watch a movie. And turn the English captions on.

~Do not say, "Oh, you're from India! There was a student from India here last semester. Do you know Bob?"
OK, I know you wouldn't be so dumb as to say that. But seriously. Assume that their countries are large and diverse, and you will be OK.

~Do not assume that they will fit any or all stereotypes of their culture. But,

~Try to learn about their culture.

~Be sensitive. They may offend you because they don't know what is polite here. Assume that you will offend them on a regular basis because you don't know what they consider to be polite. Don't worry, you'll figure it out, and if they know you care about them, they won't be upset with you.

~Do not follow your first introductions with an invitation to learn more about your religious beliefs. You wouldn't do that with any other person, so why an international student? Maybe you should start by learning about their religious beliefs. "Hmm, that's interesting. Tell me more about Zarathustra."

~If they want to practice their English on you, let them.

~Don't assume they need to learn English. Don't assume they want you to help them learn English. But if they do want it, you can be a conversation partner and just meet with them to chat it up about interesting topics. Or you can teach a full-blown class, as I did. Whatever you do, please find out what they want to learn about. Then work on it. Now wasn't that easy?

~Speak clearly and not too quickly. Thhhhiiiiisssss doeesssss noooottttt meeeeean yoooouuuuu taaaalkkkk liiiiiike thiiiiiiiiiissssss. Just enunciate.

~Listen to what they are REALLY saying. OK, time for a game. I want you to tell me something you're passionate about. In Portuguese. Ready, set, go. What, you don't know how to say it? OK, yeah, that's what these students feel like much of the time. They want to communicate about more than just the weather, but they may lack the vocabulary. So help them out. Be patient and listen.

~Eat Japanese pancakes made out of flour, water, cabbage, fish powder, and mayonnaise. AND LIKE THEM. If you don't like them, try harder. Then take another bite. As they told us in Taiwan ..... "Open your mouth and close your mind!"

~Show them you care about them. You will sometimes have to go out of your way to help. I've been there and it isn't always fun, but you won't regret it. If you ask them if they need something, half hoping they'll say no, but they take you up on it, just be grateful that they trust you enough to let you help them. If you haven't yet lived in a foreign country, you might just end up there someday, and you'll understand then how it feels to be dependent on others. It ain't easy! So be available if they accept your offer of friendship or assistance; be respectful if they decline. Be available and caring; that is all you can do, but it has worked very well for me.

~In return, you should expect to make friends all over the world. You may not make a lot of money from this, but you'll have expanded your own horizons, and you'll have friends in every major city and probably a lot of minor ones. And how awesome is that?

Good luck!